How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Programming Languages
| C | You shoot yourself in the foot. |
| C++ | You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.” |
| JAVA | After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing. |
| Ruby | Your foot is ready to be shot in roughly five minutes, but you just can’t find anywhere to shoot it. |
| PHP | You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns. |
| ASP.NET | Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead. |
| SQL | SELECT @ammo:=bullet FROM gun WHERE trigger = ‘PULLED’; INSERT INTO leg (foot) VALUES (@ammo); |
| Perl | You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you. (via Andy) |
| Javascript | You successfully shoot your foot but hear the message “Shot, but with errors on foot”. |
| CSS | You shoot your right foot with one hand, then switch hands to shoot your left foot but you realize that the gun has turned into a banana. |
| FORTRAN | You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability. |
| Modula2 | After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. |
| COBOL | Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied. |
| LISP | You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds …. |
| BASIC | Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged. |
| FORTH | Foot in yourself shoot. |
| APL | You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. |
| Pascal | The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot. |
| SNOBOL | If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. |
| Concurrent Euclid | You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot. |
| HyperTalk | Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot of the left leg of you. Answer the result. |
| Motif | You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams. |
| Unix | % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm * .o rm: .o: No such file or directory % ls % |
| Paradox | Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too. |
| Revelation | You’ll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for. |
| Visual Basic | You’ll shoot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have so much fun doing it that you won’t care. |
| Prolog | You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t allow it to explain. |
| Ada | After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type. |
| Assembly | You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes. |
| 370 JCL | You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. |
| Python | You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes. |
| Mediawiki: | [[Shut yourself]] in the [[foo]]. 6 October 2005, draft_dodger64 (talk) [[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[Metasyntactic variable|foo]]. 7 October 2005, GrammarWidget (talk) Fixed broken links! [[Shoot yourself]] in the [[Metasyntactic variable|foo]]. 9 November 2005, gun_nutz (talk) ? Tony the tiger is a legend who likes little boys. 3 January 2006, 213.249.117.11 (talk) [[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[Metasyntactic variable|foo]]. 4 January 2006, GrammarWidget (talk) rvv [[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[foot]]. 15 March 2006 OrthopedicMD (talk) I think “foot” is the intent here. [[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[foot (prosody)|]]. 15 March 2006 GrammarWidget (talk) Disambig…wouldn’t make sense to shut up in the [[foot (anatomy)]] [[Shut up|Shoot yourself]] in the [[foot (prosody)|]]. 25 April 2006 64.12.154.99 (talk) [[Shoot]] yourself in the [[foot (anatomy)|]]. 3 June 2006 RandRoid (talk) [[Shoot (botany)|]] yourself in the [[foot (anatomy)]]. 4 June 2006 GrammarWidget (talk) Disambig. [[Shooting|Shoot]] your[[self (sociology)|]] in the [[foot (anatomy)|]]. 10 October 2006, gun_nutz (talk) GrammarWidget dont you dare change this! |
| AJAX: | The gun makes an XMLHTTPRequest for the bullet which arrives some unspecified time later, killing a bird. |
| MXML | <mx:states> Build & Deploy Loading 20 min Nothing Happens, No Error put XML file on server allowing Gun to shoot foot Loading 20 min Foot Shoots Gun JRUN Crashes |
| MSIL | After writing 7,000 lines of code you pull the trigger and the gun turns blue and your foot falls asleep. |
| KPL | First execution of the program shoots up everyones foot that you hate in school, then it shoots you in the foot. |